Prom Dresses and Silly Guesses

Prom is in 24 days. Woohoo! I didn't get to go to my junior prom so I'm wicked pumped to go for my senior year. I am planning on going today to get a dress (since it is 1:00 already). There is a chance that this will be a stressful day, but I'm praying it will be more fun. I have my heart set on a purple dress, floor length of course. I hate short prom dresses...Floor length is definitely more classy. I'm only 5'4 so I am one hundred percent positive I am getting heels. Seriously, people tower over me already. I need some height so I don't have to look up awkwardly to people. x) It's so cliche, but I am dying to be asked to slow dance by a gorgeous guy. Bahaha maybe even 'just friend' guy! Ha. I will be utterly crushed if he goes with another girl, but hmph to that! I know I shouldn't care. I won't be the type of girl to stare daggers at them, or talk bad about them behind their back. That's not who I am. I can't be mean to save my life. I'm not even joking. I can't stand being mean to other people, and I can't handle when others are mean. It's just how I was raised I guess. Although, my two younger sisters and brother sure didn't get that memo...Maybe it's because I am the oldest? I don't know...I think I got off of topic a bit.

Anyways, I hope to dance with him, and I hope he doesn't go with another girl, but if he does there's nothing I can do about it. I'll be seeing him this thursday hopefully at youth group, and I just may hint around that I'm definitely going to prom, and I got my dress the day before...I'll be smooth and slip it in to random conversation. For instance;

"Hey, I like this song."

"Prom." *walks away*

Yeah, okay. I will not be doing that, but he's going to get the hint. My friend Laura, who goes with me, will probably tell him in the most non-discreet way. She's loud and can never keep anything to herself. She's also on his bus. Ha! Just my luck, right? So yeah, he'll know. My friend Rob, says I should go to prom with another guy to show him I am over him, but that would be like lying to me. It's not the truth obviously.

Laura says that we should look extra hot so the guys who have wronged us will be drooling on their tuxes. Baha! I seriously don't think my name and hot go together...ew! Hot is also a word I don't like to use to describe people. Hot is a word that is used when people are talking about a guy or girl's body. I prefer words like beautiful, gorgeous, and lovely. They paint a prettier picture, and it describes more of a person as a whole, their personality included. Anyways, I'm losing myself again. I still have some time to decide what I am going to actually do, but for now I'm saying I am going with friends. Who knows, perhaps God will grant me my desire of him asking me to be his date. My friend Ivy, thinks that he is afraid of commitment and that's why he played the 'just friends' card. Guys are confusing to me. I can't even think straight. I have all if these scenerios and unanswered questions floating around in my head. I'll admit, I do tend to over annalyze things, and it just ends up causing more trouble for me. I have all of these long thought out theories of what could've happened between the point we started talking and the point he gave up. I mean, did he really give up? We hadn't been talking for a long time and it sort of was in the beginning stages, but I think yeah, he did give up in a way. I mean, he gave up on the chance to get to know me better. He gave up some of my trust when he let me fall a little too hard, not even trying to catch me. Again, maybe I am just thinking too much, but I can't help it. That's what I do in situations. God, I sound like such a desperate fool. Everyone knows about what happened between us. His family, my family, the youth group (youth pastor and helpers included!), kids at school...I don't even go there anymore! Hahaha. This is like the part of the dream where I come to school on my underpants, and the whole school points and laughs. It totally feels like that nightmare and frankly, it sucks. I guess all I can do now is keep my head held high and laugh along. What else is there to do? I'm certainly not going to run away crying.

Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new